October 2013

* truth and lies

"Disappointment in the masses is always a compromising sign for....socialist leaders. A real leader, a leader of real moment, will make his tactics dependent not on the temporary spirit of the masses but on the inexorable laws of historical development. He will steer his course by these laws in defiance of all disappointments and he will rely on history to bring about the gradual maturing of his actions."
Rosa Luxemburg (1870-assassinated 1919)


The narcissist is torn between his need to obtain narcissistic supply (from human beings) - and his fervent wish to be left alone. This wish is peppered with contempt and feelings of superiority.

There are fundamental conflicts between counter-dependence and contempt, neediness and devaluation, seeking and avoiding, turning on the charm to attract adulation and being consumed by wrathful reactions to even the most minuscule "provocations". These conflicts lead to rapid cycling between gregariousness and self-imposed ascetic seclusion.

Such an unpredictable but always bilious and festering atmosphere is hardly conducive to love or sex. Gradually, both become extinct. Relationships are hollowed out. Imperceptibly, the narcissist switches to a non-sexual co-habitation.

But the vitriolic environment that the narcissist creates is only one hand of the equation. The other hand is his unfortunate female partner.

As we said, heterosexual narcissists are attracted to women, but simultaneously repelled, horrified, bewitched and provoked by them. They seek to frustrate and humiliate them. Psychodynamically, the Narcissist probably visits upon them his mother's sins - but such an instant explanation does the subject great injustice.

Most narcissists are misogynists. Their sexual and emotional lives are perturbed and chaotic. They are unable to love in any true sense of the word - nor are they capable of developing any measure of intimacy. Lacking empathy, they are unable to offer to the partner emotional sustenance.

Do narcissists miss loving, would they have liked to love and are they angry with their parents for crippling them so?

To the narcissist, these questions are incomprehensible. There is no way he can answer them. Narcissists never love. They do not know what is it that they are supposedly missing. Observing it from the outside, love seems to them to be a risible pathology. They equate love with weakness. They hate being weak and they hate and despise weak people (such as the very old, the sick, the poor, and the very young). They do not tolerate what they consider to be stupidity, disease and dependence - and love seems to be comprised of all three. These are not sour grapes. They really feel this way.

Narcissists are angry - but not because they never experienced love and probably never will. They are angry because they are not as powerful, awe inspiring and successful as they wish they were and, to their mind, deserve to be. Because their daydreams refuse so stubbornly to come true. Because they are their worst enemy. And because, in their unmitigated paranoia, they see adversaries plotting everywhere and feel discriminated against and contemptuously ignored.

(Dr. Sam Vaknin)



"False words are not only evil in themselves, but they infect the soul with evil."

"Truly, to tell lies is not honorable; but when the truth entails tremendous ruin, to speak dishonorably is pardonable."

"The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way."
(Samuel Butler)

"The visionary lies to himself, the liar only to others."

"The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal."
(Mark Twain)

"Lies are like children. If you don't nurture them, they'll never be useful later."
(Pam Davis)

"Ambition drove many men to become false; to have one thought locked in the breast, another ready on the tongue."

"It's fun to fool and people like to mess with people. It all goes to show you that we're not all that hard to fool. I think we should just accept that and trust people anyway."
(Hank Green)


"Truth is generally the best vindication against slander."
(Abraham Lincoln)

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident."
(Arthur Schopenhauer)

"It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what. The weird thing about telling someone they're dying is it tends to focus their priorities. You find out what matters to them. What they're willing to die for. What they're willing to lie for."
(David Shore)

"If you once forfeit the confidence of your fellow citizens, you can never regain their respect and esteem."
(Abraham Lincoln)

"Nothing in this world is harder than speaking the truth, nothing easier than flattery."
(Fyodor Dostoyevsky)

"To tell the truth is very difficult, and young people are rarely capable of it."
(Leo Tolstoy)

"It is not easy to keep silent when silence is a lie."
(Victor Hugo)

"Stupidity is a talent for misconception."

"Unless you're ashamed of yourself now and then, you're not honest."
(William Faulkner)

"To be honest, as this world goes, is to be one man picked out of ten thousand."
(William Shakespeare, Hamlet)