New Values

Most families are sick. It's normal. Scapegoating. What is scapegoating? Scapegoating is a very common problem, it is a very normal problem. Most people's family units are sick. And most people find their families very taxing to deal with. After an interaction with the family, the cost to one's peace of mind can be very high.

Ram Dass used to say, "if you think you're so enlightened, go and spend a weekend with your family."

Most people who are involved in psychotherapy and spiritual development have problems with their family. One's internal poison gets drawn out by each others mutual imperfections.

Gregory Bates had a theory of schizophrenia that he called "double bind theory" which included the idea that whole family units were sick. The member who is the weakest link is the most emotionally sensitive, he is more tuned in to data that most members ignore, he is more intuitive, more creative, more artistic. He is the first one to get sick, and mainstream mental health will treat his problems as isolated, belonging uniquely to him, and the fault is found in his unique genes, his faulty neurochemistry and his ineffective use of cultural concepts and trends.

Tribalism. If you make any tribe of people feel inferior, then that tribe will come for you, one day, for sure. Every success you enjoy, every opportunity that you enjoy, you are generating resentment, and you are generating jealousy by your own drive for success. Your family and friends do not want you to succeed. They want what is safest safest for them. You, or what they think of you, is part of them. But this is unconscious.

In European psychotherapy they use a concept called mobbing. This is like scapegoating. A group of people form one mob and they attack one person. It feels good, it is an enjoyable experience for the mob.

Start thinking like a psychological engineer. There is only psychological darkness, mental poop that gets pushed down into the basement, but will eventually come out.

Changing other people's maps is tough. Liking who you are and what you do is tough for your family and friends. It means that they have to deal with their current abuse patterns.

Projection is common in the family. If I don't like my own feelings, fears and problems, the tendency is to project them on someone else.

Philip Larkin wrote, they fuck you up, your mom and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you up with faults they had, and they add some extra new ones.


"Seriously, I think it is a grave fault in life that so much time is wasted in social matters, because it not only takes up time when you might be doing individual private things, but it prevents you storing up the psychic energy that can then be released to create art or whatever it is. It's terrible the way we scotch silence & solitude at every turn, quite suicidal. I can't see how to avoid it, without being very rich or very unpopular, & it does worry me, for time is slipping by , and nothing is done. It isn't as if anything was gained by this social frivolity, It isn't: it's just a waste." - Philip Larkin

"Interesting phenomena occur when two or more rhythmic patterns are combined, and these phenomena illustrate very aptly the enrichment of information that occurs when one description is combined with another." - Gregory Bateson

"We do not know enough about how the present will lead into the future." - Gregory Bateson

"We do not know enough about how the present will lead into the future." - Gregory Bateson

"The major problems in the world are the result of the difference between how nature works and the way people think." - Gregory Bateson