New Values

We invest a great deal of energy maintaining our personality. The more primitive a personality is, the less organized. The more disordered a personality, the greater the energy needed to maintain it.

The predicament of the narcissist is multifarious. The narcissist externalizes himself in order to maintain supply.

These people have a fluctuating and vicissitudinous sense of self worth. They never know what they are really worth. In order to regulate this fluctuating sense of self-worth, they consume narcissistic supply from the outside. They seek attention, admiration, adulation.

But to secure this supply, to secure the provision of it, this requires energy spent. More and more energy is spent constructing and projecting a false self. These people have very little energy left for the functioning of their own personality. The daily ego functions are increasingly neglected. All of their energy goes to the outside, to maintain narcissistic supply.

Energy should be spent on the proper functioning of oneís personality. A disordered personality goes beyond what is required, expending energy to project a false-self. For a man with a false self, who he calls friends are not actually friends, but rather, his enablers. Narcissists use each other to play games, rewarding each other with admiration, approval and love, not realizing the game they are playing represents an artificial inflation. Self Esteem starts to fluctuate wildly. Why? There is only an illusory sense of value - value is inflated arbitrarily based on fashions and trends. The Narc is nothing without the people who let him get away with it. Hence, for every narcissist, their is a narcissistic collective, a group of narcs.

The need to stay attuned to oneís environment, and to manipulate it by projecting a false self, these activities deplete the narcissists vigor. His emotional skeleton is externalized - the environment props him up. He has no endo-skeleton. Healthy people rely on an internal skeleton that is well balanced, agile, flexible, adaptive and reacts to the environment appropriately.

The personality of narcissists relies on an external structure. As that external structure (in the shape of false friends and approval) comes down, so does the narcissist. The devil bawls like a baby when things turn against him. Enormous amounts of energy are invested into controlling the environment. This explains his short attention span, his fatigue and his tendency to devalue specific sources of self-esteem.

The narcissist is too inwardly weak to find self-esteem in avenues of endeavor that are not glorious, notorious, criminal, illustrious or prestigious. He doesn't have energy to spare. He canít dedicate energy to people, events and ideas who are not stimulating to his ego.

The path of least resistance is very tempting. It conserves and secures energy. Narcissists therefore resort to criminal short-cuts. Violence, cheating, con-artistry, lies and confabulations. These short-cuts conserve energy, securing a perception of availability, the availability of supply.

The narcissist's life-force is run down. His vitality is drained. He's exhausted by his relationship to his environment. He tries to control the surrounding outside environment. And this exhausts him. Normal people can function effortlessly, and take for granted what the narcissist cannot do.

(Narcissism is Tiring Energy-depleting)

"Parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to get out of them what they wanted, or to use the "power look," or to intimidate their way through life. As I thought more deeply about the difference between the personality and character ethics, I realized that Sandra and I had been getting social mileage out of our children's good behavior. Our image of ourselves, and our role as good, caring parents was even deeper than our image of our son and perhaps influenced it. There was a lot more wrapped up in the way we were seeing and handling the problem than our concern for our son's welfare." (Steven Covey)


"Popularity is a crime from the moment it is sought; it is only a virtue where men have it whether they want it or not."
(George Savile)

"The great problem of life seems to be how to keep body and soul together." - William James

"The wise therefore rule by emptying hearts and stuffing bellies, by weakening ambitions and strengthening bones. If men lack knowledge and desire, then clever people will not try to interfere. If nothing is done, then all will be well."
(Tao Te Ching, Three)

"Why does confronting a narcissist directly have such explosive results? The reason is because they have momentum towards an ideal. And by confronting them, you are ruining the only game they have. They don't have anything else. Narcissists are watching themselves as if they are in a movie. Their perspective of themselves is the second person. They see themselves from the point of view of someone else, the audience, the parent, the girlfriend.

It's like the white guy who consumed a tremendous amount of African-American-Black-Culture. In his own mind, he is the fresh prince of bel-air. He lives his life like he's the star of his own TV show, and the TV show is all about how cool he is. Therefore, everybody else is just a bit-player, pawns. Narcisim needs to have that second person perspective. It's not enough to enjoy playing guitar. For a narcissist, he's always going to think about whether or not people will like it, and he will maneuver every social situation into an exploitative one. It's only a matter of time before he starts becoming abusive. If you live your life like a movie, like a play or a tragedy, you'll find your self saying outlandishly theatrical things. Lots of drama and angst.

If you directly confront a narcissist, you are ruining the foundation that holds their lives together.

There must be trauma at the root of narcissism. There must be insecurity at the room of narcissim.

The narcissist needs to damage and hurt the self-esteem of those around him as a way to get high. It's a dirty high, similar to cocaine, because after it peaks it goes back down, but even lower.

In our modern age where narcissism is becoming the norm, it's more important to be cunning than brave. You can't win against a narcissist, because a narcissist will Martyr himself soley to cause heartache and drama for the people he attaches himself to. It's lose-lose. Deep down inside, he knows he's a loser, and through sheer brute force and courage, he'll drag you down into the wretchedness he has married himself to. But he will also rely on incredible cunning, as well. So if you're entangled with a narcissist, using brute force against him will end up making you look like the bad guy. A narcissist can go into a passive, victim-like state and so, he'll drag you down by employing both courage and cunning.

America is a dirty, perverted and mentally-ill place, because it is built on the bones of Indians who cursed the entire population. I'm joking. But sometimes I wonder. The majority of my customer base are Americans, and my experience is that they are an unusually naive nation. But I am not an America basher. I like Americans, my experience with them is that they are usually more polite and more considerate than most of the people in the world. (Spartan Life Coach)