throat |download mp3 | mnemonic

See there, how she cometh impatiently over the sea! Do ye not feel the thirst and the hot breath of her love? At the sea would she suck, and drink its depths to her height: now riseth the desire of the sea with its thousand breasts. Kissed and sucked WOULD it be by the thirst of the sun; vapour WOULD it become, and height, and path of light, and light itself! Verily, like the sun do I love life, and all deep seas. And this meaneth TO ME knowledge: all that is deep shall ascend--to my height!" (TSZ)

Actual Sanity
b-side: oidepal_mother.Mp3 [youtube]

bunch |download mp3 | mnemonic

Women manipulate the bananas out of their kids, especially their sons, creating vicarious existences to supercharge their own dull egos – and they have the nerve to call that nurturing. School is the place you go to learn all the things that are exactly the opposite of what you need to know to succeed in life. Life requires cooperation and giving of your time to other people and to yourself. School teaches you to compete for grades. We've created parks for wild elephants; maybe we'll have to establish some game reserves for men – human nature sanctuaries, monasteries of maleness, museums of the soul.

Actual Sanity

b-side: terrible twos

contamination |download mp3 | mnemonic

We talk about network of associations when the various amplifications of an archetypal form is a network. They connect each other and form a plot. Archetypes act for contamination. To contaminate in Latin means weave. Likewise, our mental processes constitute a network, a network of associations. Then also our feelings appear as a network. We continuously create connections. To make active imagination is like weaving a cloth and this put us in connection to destiny, because unconscious fantasies are their destiny. (Marie Von Franz)

Actual Sanity

drop In |download mp3 | mnemonic

The words you'd use to describe your friend are not flattering. Maybe you're constantly making fun of this friend in your head, and not in a loving way. Or you feel so superior to them that they annoy you. You're not laughing with them; you're laughing at them—and let's face it, you just don't seem to like them anymore. Having said all this, you still never know what the future may bring. From being nursing-home roommates, to keeping mutual friends in common, to someday finding yourselves on the same grocery-shopping schedule, your ex-friend may continue to play a role in your life, indirectly, for decades. Don't do anything that will come back to haunt (or nauseate) you.
(Andrea Bonior, Ph.D.)

Actual Sanity

b-side: self fifty

grading |download mp3 | mnemonic

"A man of highest virtue Will not display it as his own; His virtue then is real. Low virtue makes one miss no chance To show his virtue off; His virtue then is nought. High virtue is at rest; It knows no need to act. Low virtue is a busyness Pretending to accomplishment. Truly, once the Way is lost, There comes then virtue; Virtue lost, comes then compassion; After that morality; And when that's lost, there's etiquette, The husk of all good faith, The rising point of anarchy." (The Way of Life, Blakney trans., 38)

Actual Sanity

decorating |download mp3 | mnemonic

"I am gross and perverted I'm obsessed 'n deranged, I have existed for years, But very little has changed, I am the tool of the government, And industry too, For I am destined to rule, And regulate you...."
(Frank Zappa, "I'm the Slime")

Actual Sanity

lamb |download mp3 | mnemonic

"Boredom and impatience are the most immoral emotions there can be. For man sets time as real in them: he wants it to pass without him having to fill it, without it being mere phenomenal form of his inner liberation and extension, mere form in which he must strive to be realised, but rather independent from him, and he dependent on it. Boredom is at the same time the need to annul time from outside, and the longing for the devil's work." (Otto Weininger)

Actual Sanity

companion |download mp3 | mnemonic

"When we recognize something, we energize the portions of our luminous sphere which match the incoming energy meeting our assemblage point. We resurrect memories as isomorphisms to incoming energy, and we call that perception. Our perception assembles clusters of isomorphisms, which are then clustered together into larger isomorphisms, which we call situations. Situations are then clustered into reality.
(Mappinig Awareness, by Lawrence Au)

Actual Sanity

net |download mp3 | mnemonic

"Failed attempts to be loved create a foundation of shame, distrust, and neediness. When we are talking about the origins of co-dependency, we saw the seeds of co-dependency planted early-on, by the way they interface with their parents. We are seeing the seeds of what will become a personality disorder. There is a foundation of neediness, self-doubt, mistrust and rage."
(What Causes of Narcissism, Ross Rosenberg)

Actual Sanity

Despair of Weakness

By Soren Kierkegaard

The despair of weakness is the despair of not wanting to be oneself. This kind of despair amounts to a passivity of the self. Its frame of reference is the pleasant and the unpleasant; its concepts are good fortune, misfortune, and fate. What is immediate is all that matters. The determining factor is what happens or does not happen to oneself.

To despair is to lose the eternal, but of this loss the one who despairs in weakness says nothing, it doesn't even occur to him. He is too preoccupied with securing his earthly existence against unnecessary deprivation. To lose the earthly, however, is not in itself to despair, yet that is precisely what this person speaks of and calls despair. What he says is in a sense true, only not in the way he understands it. He is turned around and what he says must be understood backwards. In other words, he stands there pointing to something that is not despair (e.g. a loss of some kind), explaining that he is in despair, and yes, sure enough, the despair is going on behind him but unawares. Therefore, if everything suddenly changes, once his external circumstances change and his wishes are fulfilled, then happiness returns to him, he begins life afresh. When help comes from outside, happiness is restored to him, and he begins where he left off. Yet he neither was nor becomes a self. He is a cipher and simply carries on living merely on the level of what is immediate and of what is happening around him.

This form of despair consists of not wanting to be a self, really. Actually, it consists of wanting desperately to be someone else. Such a self refuses to take responsibility. Life is but a game of chance. Hence, in the moment of despair, when no help comes, such a person wants desperately to become someone else. And yet a despairer of this kind, whose only wish is this craziest of all crazy transformations - to be someone else - is in love with the fancy that the change can be made as easily as one puts on another coat. Or to put it differently, he only knows himself by his coat. He simply doesn't know himself. He knows what it is to have a self only in externals. There could hardly be a more absurd confusion, for a self differs precisely, no, infinitely, from those externals.

And what if such a person was able to become somebody else, could put on a new self? There is the story of a peasant who had come barefoot to town but who made enough money to buy himself a pair of stockings and shoes and still have enough left over to get himself drunk. On his way home in his drunken state he lay down in the middle of the road and fell asleep. A carriage came along, and the coachman shouted to him to move aside or else he would drive over his legs. The drunken peasant woke up, looked down at his legs and, not recognizing them because of the stockings and shoes, said: "Go ahead, they aren't my legs." So it is with the immediate person who despairs in weakness of being a true self. It is impossible to draw a picture of him that is not comic.

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